I hope im prettier
yea, just so you know this whole self-loathing thing is getting pretty fucking annoying
Do they make some cleansing product for your soul? Like mouthwash that makes you not a skank? Or is that what religions for?
Eh, i think it's called sobriety. But its not fun.
just turned my empty handle of passion fruit smirnoff into a fish bowl. I love college.
i just fucked the bartender on my cruise to get free alcohol. have things gone too far?
no dont talk to me..because of you my bar tab was more expensive than my hospital bill
So am I a slut for not remembering his name after sex last night or not recognizing him in the cafe today after he told me who he was?
He's hungover and at the neighbour's garage sale negotiating a price for a tuba.
Successfully masturbated while balancing on an exercise ball. my greatest accomplishment?
Probably
I've known you for the past two years. You never kid about biology or alcohol.
I'm about to fuck a girl in an old school Tony Kukoc Bulls jersey. About to earn my third championship ring in sex
Anyone who has court these next few days keep your head up & smile knowing we broke the County Record with 27 underage consumptions
Trust me. My dick only does selfies for you.
I woke up this morning to my panties draped around the neck of an empty bottle of bulleit. That is the perfect visual metaphor for my life at this juncture.
You know you're stoned when you tell your dog you're stoned only to realise he's not in the pickup
So the next time I search for "Dragon Dildo" on my phone, I should probably clear the browser before handing my phone to someone and that's the first thing they see haha
Randomize
