I just Googled "how to lose weight but still be an alcoholic."
yes you're required to wear a bikini its the snowpocalypse beach party
Thats why you have fulfilling relationships with nice girls and i have kinky sex with crazies
I'm missing some hair, but it's cool. Breadsticks are done.
I'm alone drinking at the bar and the titanic theme song is on. This won't end well.
I think you begin to realize how unfair life really is when you're high and you discover that the new box of fruit by the foot on your shelf is actually empty
think he just told me if I need to shit I should go outside.
We ended up at an Asian frat. I made out with two Mexicans at the same time and I pulled a muscle in my leg from twerking too low. Diversity.
He fed us edamame like baby birds. Slowly all coming back to me.
dude ur drinkin a beer not ta capri sun. lose the straw
I swear to god if I have to repeat this to you one more mother fucking time I will flip fucking shit and acidic rain will pour down upon your mother fucking soul
If I ever say "I'm never drinking again" just hand me a bottle of jack. I'll snap out of it.
the next morning his mother came in to tell me that she made breakfast. she told me to put my clothes on too. awkward.
Hi darlin, what are you doing tonight?
.... Things I will not be proud of
Dude my cat is eating sugar cookies with me. No joke. My cat likes cookies.
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