And I just remember seeing him for the first time and being like, who is this ape of a man? Like legit he could be the missing link
And then falling down drunk the next morning, concussing yourself and splitting your head open?
That was pretty sad, but you more than made up for it by using "concussing" in a sentence
The sun is out and the snow is finally starting to melt here... Vodka bottles keep popping up everywhere. Guess it's the college version of burying nuts for the winter
Her friend drew me a diagram of how we could get away with her giving me a blowjob at work.
We've been friends for six months, when do my benefits kick in?
Just wrote the directions to get to the girls house im hooking up with on the back of my marriage certificate. Officially worst husband ever.
He was spoon feeding me wine all night.
I'm supposed to be studying for finals but all I can think about is blowing him on a sea doo this summer
found a better reason to procrastinate than the usual sunday-don't-give-no-fucks. literally every one of my textbooks is soaked in captain. can't turn a page without gagging.
Yeah man it sucked balls. People on the bus probably thought I was fucking crazy. I was fetal position, taking up two seats with no shame whilst simultaneously panting.
i repeatedly had to ask him if he was into this because he kept talking about random things while i jerked him off. i got annoyed and in order to annoy him back, i told him i wanted to watch him do it. he also talked about basketball WHILE cumming. NEVER AGAIN.
and i do believe that will be the last time you send me a photograph of our mother in her underwear.
So that prostitue I banged at Steve's bachelor party just texted and invited me to a BBQ at her parents. Never again doubt the power of the cock piercing.
Do you own a cuff key and know where Karen lives?
I had sex on a seadoo on the middle of the lake lastnight
Randomize
