I've decided that I only have enough money to either eat or drink over the next month. I'm sure you know what choice I've made.
So I'm banging this nun...
Isn't that how all good stories start? I like it already...
she'd have to be at LEAST a cup size bigger for me to even consider putting up with her voice
tried unsuccessfully for 10 minutes to do bong hits while wearing glow in the dark vampire fangs before realizing air was getting out of the sides of my mouth
my life is one jail cell away from being a bad country music song.
I'm not gonna lie. having my legs shaved for me in the morning was a lovely surprise.
You're the only person that can successfully use titties and Jesus in the same sentence.
he said he did everything he could to puke on his nurses because they were doing everything wrong
Thats admirable.
He made me cum 7 times AND I nearly drowned him during that 69 in the back of a ford focus. Yeah I should get my gynocologist.
Every time he asks me if I'm horny I'm just like come on...stupid question
I sliced my fucking arm open last night after margarita madness and had to drive myself to the ER. Got six stitches and a social worker came in and asked if I was abused due to my sex bruises. I literally had to tell her "don't worry, I like it rough"
Everything was cool till you started pissing while standing at the bar
I mixed Jack with hot chocolate. This may be the best or worst idea ever. I have yet to find that out
I mean honestly, what would you have done?
Not screw her in the church house?
He kept apologizing that the nerve damage makes him take a while to finish. Meanwhile he gave me 3 orgasms and a leg cramp
Only you could benefit from a reckless driver
Randomize
