And now I'm afraid that I'm a pornographic eater.
grinding to god bless the USA? really?
shut up
Saw 2 former students outside gas station. gave me money to buy 2 12 packs, asked if I wanted to go to their party.
I told them I had a gf and took one of the 12 packs. Come over.
Texas should really raise its teaching standards.
Add "its too hot" to reasons why I don't get fucked anymore
There's a fat drunk walrus bitch here next to me and shes already puked and now falling on herself
OH FUCK NOW HER BOYFRIEND IS MAKING OUT WITH HER VOMIT HOLE
Sounds like a good blink 182 concert...
I wish we had a justin bieber to wanna fuck when we were younger... But noooo we just had hanson
Somewhere out there, someone is getting laid. And then theres me, watching Star Trek porn while my roommate plays World of Warcraft next door
they said he just opened the front of his shirt and threw up alll over himself
The last good decent convo we has was when I was trying to convince you to let me watch you pee.
Sadly him cutting me out of the duct tape dress was NOT the most awkward part of the night. It was a littleeee moist under there.....
College: when you have to set an alarm to start drinking
just gonna show up naked this time. that way i dont have to worry about finding my clothes tomorrow
I'm thinking about slathering myself with peanut butter and going to the dog park. What's the worst that could happen?
I don't think I will ever be as happy about anything as this man next to me on the bus eating Taco Bell.
I’m almost positive this girl is drinking a mojito in class right now, if so she’s my new hero
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