If Jimminey Cricket were here with me he would be so disappointed.
It was my first time buying condoms at the liquor store... I was nervous and there were quite a few people, so I tried to do it as quickly and quietly as possible. When I got to the Indian cashier, he took one look at them and said loudly, "Ohhh you gonna get it on tonight, ah?!"
I just had someone call me out on a walk of shame via megaphone
New favorite sorority...they made me pancakes in the morning and welcomed back the walk of shame girls with a round of applause
I just figured I'd let u know that you bought a yacht on ebay last night
so he came in me this morning and i was like WTF DUDE. i called him Daddy until he agreed to pay the full $40 for plan B. He wants to name our Patrick because it will be a st pattys day baby. absolutely NOT.
If I had a clone, I'd fuck it with a condom
And I was slip and sliding my life away on a giant tarp with tons of soap and bitches. Priorities man, priorities.
I'm sexting at the thanksgiving dinner table...this is a new holiday tradition.
hell no. i was not wasting my two tears of virginity on him.
He compared my vagina to his favorite T-shirt. I don't know if I should take that as a compliment or not..
My life is literally "I'm too horny you can't leave" or "let's have pie" there's like no inbetween
I dipped out before he woke up, but I made sure to take the pizza with me.
I must be really high or they really did just bring me a banana split instead of a burger
you know you should be lucky to find the case to my dildo....that means no more random guys at the house!
Randomize
