I'm pretty sure "Like A Prayer" will forever remind me of drunk nights & pants down around the ankles
I just made $100 from people paying me not to get naked at the party... I need those P90X dvds
i bought a pregnancy test with dimes. Is that trashy?
Uggh answer your phone, you are the only one I know who'll be proud of what I woke up next to this morning .
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I miss your penis. I'm telling you this as a friend, like its just a really great penis. You should be proud of it.
Show him your tits if he says no
They're not help-me-out-of-jams tits. They're I-fake-people-into-thinking-they-look-good tits.
we're driving around with this really dirty (unclean and inappropriate) 60 year old ex-san quintin con named old skool d that my brother knows and hes bringing us to get weed. what is montana?
I just took my birth control with a water bottle I found in my purse with vodka in it in Spanish class. 10am is still too early for me.
I knew it would get worse when I said I think your roommate is watching and he looked over at him and said ... So?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm seeing double so when I get home can we have a threesome?
See? I told you no boy in roller skates could be entirely straight.
I have jury duty tomorrow
I almost deep fried my finger today and yet I think you are worse off than I am.
Fun fact. I just wrapped myself in wrapping paper for a sext. Is this a new high or a new low stay tuned.
So I don't think the seahorse breeding thing is gonna work.
That was random, even for you Mom.
When was the last time you got laid?
When was the last time you came home sober?
touche
Randomize