I think im in love with that girl with the googlie eyes last night. She was looking in my eyes and at my dick at the same time. we are going out again tonight.
Sunday was the 8 month anniversary when you shot me in the face...just an FYI.
Just got judged by the front desk clerk, 2 maids and a security guard at the Sheraton. I've decided to use this as a character building experience.
it was the drunk execution of a sober decision, and its much more tasteful than the first mullet
We just found a knife wedged in between the cushions on the couch you guys fucked on...why is this?
Just picked them up. It took 6 holes and a handle of rum to evolve from golf to a demolition derby.
There's an entire pit crew of cart boys surveying the golf cart destruction.
Fair warning: We've transformed the living room into a giant tent.
I expected to wake up with a sext of you posing nude and all I got was a missed call.....disappointed.
I'm sorry I think it was because I lost a chicken nugget in my purse and that's all that was on my mind until 4am
I hope my orgasm sounds aren't secretly that bad and no one tells me
How does this dude know what a dying walrus sounds like? That's the real question
You asked the waitress what the corking fee would be on the Joose you smuggled into the restaurant.
I have a cracked rib, no way in hell I'm bottoming for him tonight!
Fine line between drunken accidental sleepover with your best friend's lab partner and gay sexathon. I did a cartwheel over that line. A CARTWHEEL THAT LANDED IN HIS LAP
Being pregnant feels like you have a hangover everyday.. Don't listen to what anyone says about how wonderful it is
TRY TO UNDERSTAND I HAVE MAGIC POWERS HOLY FUCKING SHIT
you made it your goal to puke in every planter around the union. you got most of them. im proud of you
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