u know u need to get laid when watching mike wazowskis gf from monsters inc makes u horny
can you please tell me why I'm bleeding so heavily from my ass and all my makeup is gone?
whoever says they hate hangovers just doesnt know how to embrace them. i'm eating a mashed potato sandwich and watching grind.
I REALLY appreciate you guys taking care of me when im wasted but i think its weird when i wake up in different clothes than black out in
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I feel like we're taking advantage of the fact that our R.A has cerebal palsey.
rethinking that breast reduction surgery... i'm tired of drunkenly explaining the scars to guys who don't really give a shit
Last night was the first night with all of the roommates, and what started as a calm night of light drinking got out of hand. There's a girl on my couch wearing only a fanny pack.
You know what, I don't care that I got too drunk and didn't make it into the boat party. If I had, I probably wouldn't have peed on you later while we soundly slept. I feel you need that in a best friendship.
Come over we're celebrating the one month anniversary of her first 4/20
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Was having relations of the behind variety with my girlfriend. Based on where we were at I could see myself in the bathroom mirror. You know I did the Patrick Bateman point and wink at the mirror and turned on sissudio by Phil Collins.
A boy just offered to come over and help me clean my house. I hope you are more successful than he will be tonight.
I think i should either cut my hair or buy a dildo.
we played his NES Classic. Turns out there is a warp zone to my vagina.
yeah it's a weird friendship. we pretend that we're automatic besties but i know we both know i slept with her boyfriend
I have wine with a bendy straw bitches I can do fucking anything
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