I definitely just put my boxers on backwards.
haha now u have to piss out ur bum
Helping a hot freshman girl move in = 2 hours of my life One bottle of cheap vodkas = $10 Watching her do the walk a shame on her first morning away from home = Priceless
Facebook is used to stalk your friends, Twitter is used to stalk celebritie=s, and Myspace is used to stalk underaged girls. Everything else is porn. T=he Internet in a nutshell.
Banging bitches in a bar bathroom is not legit as it was in college, there are no fistpumps afterward only shame
We went to his house and he brought a jar of pickles to bed. I think im in love.
so the girl i've been sleeping with for 3 weeks now just figured out that i don't know her name
i must of done something right to please the booty call gods. . . maybe fucking that fat chick?
I really can't get over how proud I am of all us getting laid at the same time in the same apartment
Sorry for feeding you peanuts last night while you were sleeping, you looked hungry.
During breaking dawn, he leaned over and asked me why she would have to worry about her period since she essentially just married a walking super-absorbant tampon... It was the best way to ruin those movies for me.
I just connected with one of your drug dealers on LinkedIn.
My intervention, when it happens, should have vanilla cake....buttermilk icing.
My hands smell like penis... I can't even remember the last time i touched a penis, but my hands say i did. Oh the mystery.
Nothing cures your heart after a boy calling you unattractive than a big fat dick
I just caught my bangs on fire trying to lite a bowl while driving. Thank god it wasn't my eyebrows like last time.
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