Where's the Hot Mess Express headed tonight?
I hope that's not the new nickname for my friends and me.
He slapped my ass and hummed the jello theme song, which was followed by an overly loud "IT'S ALIVE!"
You tried to convince her that if she gave you head she'd hear the ocean.....
i wish semen tasted like chocolate
We've reached that awkward stage of the relationship where he's in love with me when he's drunk, but sober him is still afraid of commitment.
we decided it was best to cut you off after we caught you trying to "baptize" my cat in the jungle juice
I'll report later on the progress of the mountain orgy
He just texted me from the outside of the hospital. He called the fat broad in the bar mrs snuffleupagus about 60 times and she broke a bottle of blackberry brandy over his head.
Note to self: semen does not count as food to take medicine with
Just had to buy plan b w/ my robotic baby from family living.. Awkward.
Why am I the only one golf clapping for the vomiting girl on the train who just fell of her seat into her own vomit
She's been with the dude for a week saying she's in love. Yeah so am I. I just opened this beer 5 minutes ago and I LOVE IT ALREADY.
Dude. She came to my room in nothing but a trench coat. Took it off and said, "you like" in her Costa Rican accent. God I love college.
On a happier note, I can fit in my old shorts. Dope does have its perks
I forgot to tell you that he serenaded me with "Fuck Her Gently" by Tenacious D. And I didn't hate it.
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