I found the seven page love letter I had written you. I'm sorry i was so obsessed.
the drag queen on stage looks like shes wearing the EXACT same dress i wore 2 senior prom.
Hey bro u need to come home now, me and andy just had a 15 minute conversation about fig newtons. f this bong
We walked in and they were fucking to Somewhere Over the Rainbow... I need a new roommate.
Somehow ended up at a stranger's bridal shower. Everyone else is already drunk.
I am too drunk to make real decisions. I had pop rocks all over my ass earlier. This is not a joke.
$5 long island pitchers = roommate pissing on his laptop at 3am.
I'm not sure what happened. But I must have won because I obviously stole two full pitchers of beer from the bar and taped a note on them saying "your welcome"
I woke up in solitary confinement, wheb they moved me the guy that sold me the pill of Molly at the concert was in the police waiting room, we nodded to each other.
I feel like you can't break up with someone on 420. It's against stoner code
I have loved her ever since she went down on my first wife
When my beach tent arrives , I strongly suggest quitting our jobs and becoming homeless beach drunks
I just found those cheese sticks in my purse. Along with a handful of confetti.
I just puked on a sprinkler…Motherfucker tried to spray me
why the hell are you crying over taco bell?
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