i just had sex bonerless
Ever have those mornings where you just can't wait to puke in the shower?
He puked, did more shots, and then pissed in a drawer. We thought it was bad enough and all of a sudden...boom-clothes come off and he passes out with slippers and a styrofoam hat on and a guitar hero guitar in hand pretending he was slash.
Definitely Got caught hugging a strangers tree last night with 5 others.
Vodka shot parachutes
Fucking utilizing a thrid story dorm room
Nope. Daytime is texting time. Night time is you send me naked pictures time.
You dont lie about slip and slides
He wheeled me around walmart in a cart, and stole at least 30 dollars of junior mints fpr me. Best date ever.
Heb just said, and I quote, "let's go to Who's On Third and fuck a fishbowl with our mouths. I am going to fuck this van." and then he humped a van.
she wanted me to tie her up with my playstation charger cord. i kept on hoping she wasn't a squirter. those cords r expensive. could have def been a Sony commercial tho
This is exactly why you shouldn't bang your bartender. Although the awkward free shots are a plus.
She had an asthma attack and had to stop but insisted on getting me off. It's official she's the one
Apparently I was drunk enough to call he police station and ask if there was a problem with me.
I told my coworker that I'm going to a dinner party and was asked to bring wine and pregnancy tests and he was like.. I miss being 20
this is a save-me-from-tijuana-tequila-and-hoookers booty call. if i don't hear from you by 8pm i'm grabbing my passport
if i'm not back tomorrow call the embassy
Randomize
