i want you to feel like i'm letting you into my heart, not just my vagina.
Have you ever had champagne poured on you during sex? It was like a rap video
he was uncircumcised...I HAVE NOT YET REACHED THAT SKILL LEVEL OF DICK
We'll probably be arrested for having a cheetah in our apartment anyway, so I say go for it.
alcohol. turning childhood friends into awkward hookups since the dawn of civilization.
All I saw was a beagle come across the screen and explain the theory of relativity to me and leave
In less than 3 minutes we had 3 security guards running after us
I walked home with an awkward asain couple. There was a language barrier but I think we're friends now.
Oh my god. He likes it up the butt. But loves womanly support. Omg. Its bad. Its bad. Ive had too much whiskey for this to be ANYthing except bad.
I was laying there trying to sleep and then he sat up, took out his dick, and put it on my shoulder. It wasn't even hard- it was just casually perched.
Dylan just paid 30 bucks to have himself wrapped in the clear plastic they wrap luggage in at the airport. Bring scissors.
Well. No wine. And no real mixers. I'm using vodka and grape juice and calling it Slurrrlot. Happy Holidays bitch.
I may have just poured a honey apple beer onto a dried apple slice to rehydrate it. This is my day.
I found my bra I wore on Friday night...he fucked the underwire out of it
hahahahaha
I think she lost me at about the point where the words “Ice Cream Enema” were spoken.
Randomize
