They past out watching a re-run of the 1984 presidential debate on cspan
I woke up on a raft in a bath tub filled with beer. excellent night.
Do 'mystery' cracked ribs heal any quicker than regular ones?
No, no, no. Fuck you. I took a glass blowing class solely to learn how to make that bong. You shattered it and my dreams in a matter of five seconds.
He has an intense fear that my cat will attack his balls while we're fucking
I JUST HAD PHONE SEX. WHILE TAKING A BATH. FOR AN HOUR. EATING A PLATE OF BURRITOS. TOP THAT SHIT.
I remember nothing of last night, but I did manage to figure out which frats I went to by the trails of straw across campus.
I need to shower, but I have no shower curtain... I think I can get by with a whore bath and a hat for one more day.
Dude tried texting you during but she threw my pants too far away
Drinking Fireball means never having to say you're sorry. Unless its at you're arraignment.
Yeah, but he has adorable dimples and dimples talk me into things.
Eating a chocolate bar and crying over a cobweb. Life is beautiful and I love shrooms.
I'm at a restaurant. I am NOT about to discuss my asshole over the phone.
Sitting in a music store. There is a 40 something year old guy in a track suit, with a boner, and playing the ukelelie quite intensely.
thanks for thinking of me.
I know this shouldnt be a problem, but there are too many women hitting on me. I dont know what to do
Randomize
