I'm a big fan of 2 things right now: 1) Gatorade and 2) the fetal position
my new years resolutions dont apply when im drunk
so apparently i worked out for over an hour last night. drinking is the only way i will ever get anything done
i walked toward the cop car thinking it was the liquor store lights nd by that time it was too late to escape the trap
I'm sorry for coming into your work place and trying to smuggle you out in my purse.
Listen to me plotting my whoredom.
I woke up and he was just feeling up my stomach. I felt like buddha and he was rubbing my belly for good luck. never again.
Is it inception if it feels like another uterus is going to burst out of my current uterus?
I sent him this really overly apologetic text asking him out. It was just sad. Not even 27 shots of whiskey can grow me a self-esteem.
Dinner was cheetos vodka and whiskey. This is what happens when even your booty call breaks up with you.
Do I go to spinning class and try to redeem myself from going drunk, or do I wait a week and hope they forget I fell of the bike?
At one point she whispered in my ear "I overdrew my bank account today" but besides that it was an awesome lap dance
she broke a 50 dollar bottle of alcohol. then passed out in front of her car and got sprayed by a skunk
Haha word. Sure I can do that. Help me find which bar has my pants and you'll get free tacos all week
Guuuuurrrrrl! He ate the 🌮like it contained the Covid-19 vaccine!
Randomize
