I should have bought two bottles, she left before I could feel her tits...
I totally have a Rabbi on speed dial now. Keep it Kosher.
I just had my first uncircumcised penis. I kept staring at it like the foreskin was going to fall off on its own.
My phone has seen less use in the last three days than Tom Brady's condoms.
we ended up doing shots out of those medicine cups..swine flu finally did something good for me
He had a huge mole on his dick. Genetics has cockblocked him for life.
You kept running into the wall most of the night. When people asked you what you were doing you told them you were the kool-aid man and there was little kids on the other side of the wall who needed your juice
It was my little brother's 14th birthday today. Didn't know what to get him so I just showed him how to use incognito tabs on google chrome.
And we're now at 8 people from the office coming to my desk to ask me "do you feel better?".
Don't they also have a lot of serious head injuries?
I didn't say I wanted to marry one of them. Or that I want one to perform surgery on me. I just want to have hot, dirty, MMA style sex.
Just walked into the library with a case of Strawberitas in hand.. no one said a word.. I think they were just impressed I knew where the library was
I have really important information for you regarding the furry convention this weekend
Drove by a guy getting road head, midday on O Street. That could be us, but you won't let me in your pants when you drive.
Sex while Star Warsing is the best
We broke into a construction site had sex on a scissor lift and realized it was a church...tomorrow again??
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