She made the grapes disappear! ALL OF THEM!!!
beyond obliterated. i recall legitimately trying to use a ballpoint pen as eyeliner.
Drinking wine in my childhood bed getting ready to go to sleep in order to wake up for my menial temp job. Thanks, college degree, I can handle the real world.
She whispered into my eat that she wanted me to fuck her while her parrot watched...
Beer Popsicles are better in theory
No. If you are gonna end this, you are gonna do it right. Not by getting bombed and falling on a strange penis. That was the old you.
So the guy who is making our IDs is in jail now for attempted murder, with no bail...
So no fakes?
I AM TEN TEQUIA SHOOTS ON AND I JUST SAW SOMEONE DO A BODY SHOT OFFF OF JESUS
THIS FEELS SO WROG AND OH SO RIGHT
I distinctly remember calling the anesthesiologist a "sneaky little bastard" directly to his face
I think I should start a match.com profile and put "robe lounging" as my only hobby
He was so drunk and proud of his 6-month-gym-results he actually made me touch his whole naked body.
Today is my 3 year wedding anniversary...and I've seen three different dicks.
Binging muscle relaxers because when ur 33 you can no longer SHAKE IT LIKE A POLAROID PICTURE for 2hrs w/o consequences. Fuck you, Age.
He put his burrito in the bag with his dildo.
So...#1 on my TO DO list for college is to fuck someone somewhere in the stadium during the homecoming game...you down?
Randomize
