plan parent hood is for high school, im at the abortion clinic, so college.
you're acting like its my fault you're allergic to sperm or something.
i told you we never speak of that again
The straight man in me wants to hit on her. But the gay man in me wants to compliment her on her awesome outfit.
I remember your 21st ending with me driving you home while you insisted making bicycle signals out the car window.
You kept screaming how great you were at drawing poptarts and you insisted on drawing them all over my forearm
i figure now that we're number one party school im obligated to black out at least 4 days a week. andddd go.
Dude, sorry for live texting you my binge drinking. If you'd like me to do the same for my hangover, I can share that I just had to sit down while q-tipping my ears.
I'm sorry for the texts and anything that I said that may have caused confusion, pain or irritation. I shall not be drinking again. Furthermore I will not be keeping a phone on me should I fail to adhere to the prior statement.
shes on the ground doing bicycle kicks screaming "is my ass good enough for you now satan" send help
He is really drunk but I just found $20 so it's like I am getting paid to babysit
YOU BETTER TOUCH MY NIPPLES TODAY
That was the night I realized I need to grow up and stop eating mushrooms with strange 40 year old men in convertibles.
I learned so much in Pittsburgh
That awkward moment when the guy you were hitting on at the bar last night is a possible suspect in a murder case.
Omg I just woke up in his bed.. I'm fully clothed and he is naked. I'm so confused.
my roommates gone so i can take codeine and sleep naked
Randomize
