Went to gas station for smokes. three cops pulled in. got gas i didn't need. found diff gas station.
good choice.
Tell me why I go to the dollar store for nail polish remover and a ghetto black dude trys to hit on me in the parking lot, then he gets in line behind me with a dousche bag literally and that is his only purchase.
It's really awkward to greet the pastor when I know I've licked chocolate syrup off his daughter's chest.
Life's too short to consider the larger psychological underpinnings of my lust.
I am getting my wife a tattoo just above her butthole that says, "For entry just add tequila."
Get dressed, I have 50$ and you need a new beer pong table since we threw yours off the 8th floor last night.
Yes, but if I hadn't gotten here early, I never would have seen the butch lesbian midget waddling down stairs from the bar. Worth every minute of drinking alone.
omg I just had an epiphany about why I grew into such a whore....
HAVE YOU EVER NOTICED WHAT THE SPICE GIRLS USED TO WEAR?!? those were my idols, I never stood a chance
She just tricked me into telling her the balance of my 401k... She's like a gold digging jedi mind trick ninja
Queso dip and pictures of Daniel's penis. It's like the last days of Rome over here.
yyyea i think im gonna go get a bowl and play skyrim. And by bowl i mean something i can throw up in, not weed
Just saw a man in a motorized chair roll by drinking a beer. It's 9:45 AM. I love Louisiana.
Between having seen you naked and interpreting your values based on the occasional political FB post, you're no stranger for sure.
I'm giving random strangers at the bar sips of my fishbowl, then telling them I have Ebola. It's a fun night.
He is more interested in finding his sweater than he is in having sex with me. It better be a great fucking sweater.
Randomize
