i wanted to sleep on a waterbed so i filled up my bathtub so i could fall asleep in it...
Someone obviously heard us on their way to class. They stopped at my door and started singing afternoon delight.
Here's the thing. I'm really high and have lots of questions about lightning.
you looked up at me mid puke with tears in your eyes and asked to make sure no one took your turn at Wii
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As i lay in bed, clutching my face, i'm starting to believe your dick in my eye story.
You missed me roundhouse kicking a lit glow stick out of a guy's mouth last night. You would have been proud.
It was the best of bangs; it was the worst of bangs.
So on a scale of 1 to Friendship-Over, how mad would you be if a rando I brought home sharted on the shag carpet in the living room?
Fucking someone because they own a lava lamp is like fucking someone because they have 20 dollars and no concern for their house burning down.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You and the dog were competed for the water dish
I only listened to his story about leaving the Amish community because I was hoping for a free drink
You. Dating a sex offender cop. Life writes itself sometimes.
This is literally engraved into my seat "Need crack?" And then there's a number. This isn't real.
Straight up last night my mom was like josh you need to find a job that doesn't include the selling or transporting of drugs
guess who smoked weed with their grandpa tonight. and no it wasn't me.
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