You're my little dorito
i don't know what kind of porn he watches.. but that is NOT how you do it...
What are you doing tonight?
Watching dora the explorer and pining for a sex life.
Seriously. Destroy her vagina. Do it like an angry baboon mating with a gentle manatee.
I feel that the whole multiple orgasm thing is god's way of saying "sorry for the childbirth deal"
just joined the mile high club. if this plane crashes because of this text, it was worth.
She's never allowed to turn 21 again
Just stuffed an entire cupcake in my mouth after finishing third glass of wine. Valentines day is pretty much going how i expected it.
drunk waterpark is besst waterpark.
If you can find a Canadian Lesbian to have pity sex with me, let me know.
He sent me a poorly photoshopped picture of his shaved dick wearing a Hot Dog on A Stick titled "Shorndog"...
Making a me burrito to ward off the cold...and the aloneness of my vagina
I've decided that buying my first unused mattress has been my first major step into real adulthood.
Currently on my Sunday walk of shame. Should I go to church?
I can't believe that after 9 years of signing things as "BATMAN", the first place to turn it down was the liquor store down the block.
Randomize
