Mat is currently running around his basement "trying to catch oxygen in his mouth."
Just shot my load on a stink bug. Thought you should know.
Did you know the Dallas Cowboy cheerleaders have an exercise show ON Demand? Yeah, I had a lonely night
I have bruises all over from falling so much last night, I even have bruises on my arms from them picking me up off the street.. Oh vodka nights.
I'm ready to take a few years of my life this weekend
Yeah, first time I've shit my pants in my twenties... I'm thinking about putting it on my Facebook timeline
Just had sex in the darkroom, while a class was going on ten feet away. I finally have a good sex story.
There is always the bar, but 2 30 on a Tuesday just screams alcoholism
Would it be wildly inappropriate for me to tailgate a Jonas brothers concert?
My purpose is to unleash drunk self on strangers, i believe as some terrifying icebreaker, otherwise i too would offer my driving services.
He was so fat that he broke two of my ribs
Maybe it's time to stop screaming I'm a chubby chaser every time you enter a drinking establishment
We have to do it Saturday and get a thirty. If i remember correctly it takes me 12 beers to become a wizard
IT'S A GIANT FUCKING ROBOT, DUDE. LOGIC IS OUT OF THE QUESTION BECAUSE AWESOME.
I'll do anything with you, except downhill sports and butt stuff.
I’m not lawful evil! I do evil things because I want to, not because of the law
Randomize
