I just realized his fb pic was taken in a public bathroom.
Oh god. There is a bite mark in the bar of soap. Please tell me I was not that wasted.
It's hard to be above the influence when you are the influence.
I can get head just about anywhere nowadays so that's not much of an incentive, coffee on the other hand...
He had a tramp stamp of his own phone number. You can't tell me that isn't smart.
2012 needs to end already. I've exceeded my quota for People Who Have Accidentally Seen My Tits.
He woke me up at 5am to recite nursery rhymes to our fictitious unborn child.
mhmm. we know where to go, which places have free bathrooms, how long you can be in one until its sketchy, we have this down to a science. we're like the college sophomore pregaming dream team
how do you casually eat pancakes with someone after they send you an unsolicited dick pic?
you don't. it's the point of no return for pancake enjoyment.
I think Jabba the Hut is dying in the stall next to me.
I air guitared a man's prosthetic leg on the bar to Bruce Springsteen. That's how it's going
It was one of those mornings when I wake up and feel like I have to say sorry to the whole world
I appreciate your acceptance of my lack of morals
I found my wallet. Still have no idea when I put mad dog in my steel water bottle, though...
doc says my ankle might be broken, they're going to do xrays. He asked me what happened and I told him if he could find out that would be great.
Randomize
