I just foul balled at work. I had taken off my coat too… had to go to the sink wash my hands then go back to the stall and pick up my coat. I hope the guy shitting in the stall next to me didn’t figure out what happened.
The guy drove to our house at 6am to sell us weed. Now that's customer service.
I just asked my hair stylist how many percocets she'd do my hair for.
grab my backpack.....its in the fridge
According to google history I spent most of last night trying to buy an elephant.
She's like the Michael Jordan of alcoholism
Took 45 minutes to masturbate. Fuck you Zoloft. I'm never gonna be diagnosed with depression again
Also, we just got yelled at by a cop for being awesome...or making out in a fountain. Whatever.
at the time it didn't seem likely that you would ever find the cake in your underwear
i shit in a pringles can and hid it somewhere in your house....happy hunting
Sorry about sucking tonight. Drunk truck fucking is apparently not my strong point.
the day has come. I have finally reached the point in my life where I just don't give a fuck about anything anymore. it's beautiful!
She said she had a surprise for me and sent me a video of her having sex with some fat dude. It was a mood killer
i will not be out-irished. not this night. if i don't wake up tomorrow handcuffed to a hospital bed, i have failed my ancestors.
He must've been a bear in a previous life. My nipple is bleeding. Shit's sensitive.
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