your parents love me but you hate me
When I asked if she spit or swallow she replied "I never learned how to spit"
My bra broke.... so I Macguyvered that shit together with floss
I googled what to do, and it said to squeeze the pressure out so people are taking turns sitting on my head. I can't believe I'm allowing this
I just found a receipt from ace where I bought 1 lrg plastic funnel, 2ft of 1" plastic tubing, and a 48" toboggan sled. Thank you cashier #552 for letting that poor life decision happen.
I rode on his Vespa around Florence and fucked him in an empty train. It was like a way sluttier version of Lizzy McGuire
Well since its impossible for me to swallow a pill this big I'm making wine slushies out of them
So apparently I threw a potted plant at a clown last night and told him to get his life together.
Yes ma'am.Im also looking at my collection of penis pictures in my email playing "who;s penis is that"?
I just watched our fat male neighbor dibble a soccer ball across the lawn. It looked like Baywatch with diabetes
Take a shit and have a hit. It's the Sunday Funday Rule.
Nothing better then waking up to multiple snap stories of people doing body shots of tequlia off of you
Drake has all the answers
Im covered in coffee vomit and urine and none of which are mine
Hey remind me the get the pancakes out of my jacket
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