I wish I only lived at night.
Haha Tomato, Tomato. That doesn't work very well via text message.
I guess you can say it's a tradition... whoever brings home the ugliest guy has to do all the cleaning the next day
Her boobs are too amazing to be looking at my dick. I'm even ashamed.
Its your turn to fuck our RA next time she threatens us with an underage.
a small fire erupted but we put it out with a can of beer so everything's fine
Dont worry about the blood on the pillow. its from my face.
How is it I was the last to know everyone calls me tig ole bitties? Did y'all have a meeting about this that I wasn't invited to?
i'm in that phase where i'll swallow anything except food
He ripped off my pantyhose and all I could think was, "oh no those were clinic-appropriate!" That's what I get for ditching a continuing education meeting to go hook up with my scuba instructor.
It's a "party harder or raise your standards" kind if night.
Willing booties have sort of a tractor beam for me.
Appearently I went across the hall last night demanding to ride my neighbors moose... How much did I drink?
I've never known a porn star before
There's not even an emoji for this
Then you got drunk and shit in her car. Nothing before that matters. She isn’t calling you back.
Randomize
