Dude I got a text from you at 1:30 last night and you didn't use any vowels
Haha, I didn't want to buy any... we're in a recession you know
Do u have any bacon or vodka by chance
I really want to sleep with her friend. I'm hoping our casual sex relationship will somehow lead to that.
The best part was that when i tried to chase her she ran off in one of those barbie motorized jeeps that little kids use and i chased her on a big wheel, thru lincoln terrace
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
and then he said that the only reasonable explanation as to why I got swine flu was because all I ever do is join the bandwagon
I'm at the grocery store buying monistat and corn nuts. thank god for self check out.
I'm pretty sure you thought I could absorb alcohol through my dress
You chanted SOFA PIZZA all night then we woke up to find about ten slices under the cushions where you were sleeping....
im drinking tequila tonight so will you babysit my bra?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He has in a pan: ten pieces of bacon, two cloves of garlic, an egg (not scrambled or hard boiled, just an egg) and frozen corn.
What can I say, I'm a giver.
Smoking up the homeless at 3am does not make you a humanitarian.
someone to text and fuck? since when does that constitute a relationship?
since 2006
she stopped traffic so I could crutch across the street. Clubbing while crippled and drunk is different.
You puked on my feet last night. You owe me a pedicure.
I would really like it if you guys got out of my bush
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