so that wasnt chicken after all
So I'm driving and this guy next to me at the stop light is reving his engine and honking at me. Motherfucker thinks that's because I'm asian and drive a honda I'm automatically going to race him
I sometimes forget that turkeys are alive even when its not Thanksgiving.
I'm not sure how exactly, but this funeral has turned into a ridiculous night of drinking games
Thats the last thing I remember and then I woke up in this Dutch kids dorm and he was taking a picture of me while I was sleeping
we found a loaf of bread in my bathroom i believe its yours. sorry i took a shower before we noticed so it might be soggy
Nothing like buying a handle and a 36 pack with a baby strapped on.
White people are beatboxing! Save me.
I'm 99% sure I just puked glitter. Wine drunk Mondays shouldn't be a thing.
After we had breakup sex it took him longer to say goodbye to my boobs than it did to me...
I swear to god....if you can give yourself a brazilian you can take a fucking bullet
After my second liter of German beer, nothing D-cup or larger is safe near me.
I have 3 vacation days left and I'm guarding them like a gay dragon on a pile of gold dildos molded after celebrities.
Smaug the FABULOUS
Someone drank my pedialite!
YOU drank your pedialite. I watched you chase shots with it!
Idk if I want to put a bra on
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