I can't find my pants or my car
I didn't even hookup I think I took them off at taco bell...
ha omg I always lose my dignity at taco bell as well... so no big deal.
Just left a map of the Aleutian islands on this Eskimo girls face. Check one off my Alaska to do list.
I wish all the girls i wanted to sleep with knew how big my dick was then id have a better chance
sometimes i wish i had boobs. not on me. just like in a drawer.
I need the number of a restaurant that delivers, has lock-picking abilities, and is okay with full frontal male nudity. Entirely too hungover to get out of bed.
In a min. With a stripper at the hospital. Business. Not pleasure.
Our suitemates are shrooming again. I left a less colorful dress hanging on the door, change before you come in because purple is making Maeve cry.
I just melted my phone trying to make cookies. I think that's a sign.
I have a test in the morning in sign language about signs for drugs and alcohol use. Im drunk and rolling a blunt. I've never felt so confident about a grade in my life.
You would think the bank would reward me for getting my account down to 3 cents without overdrafting it.
Can we talk about how i am holding a tupperware container of my own puke in the back of my grandparents car while my sister drives
He walked into the bar, took a deep sniff and said "this place is fertile and ready for my seed" then calmly walked to the service area
Why even have a ground level apt if you're not gonna let me climb out the window? I hate walk of shaming in front of toddlers...
I mean...he danced with his dick still inside of me. What more could a girl ask for?
He showed up at my house drunk with a pizza and said he wanted to lazily finger me while I watched supernatural. Who was I to say no?
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