i made the cop pinkie-promise not to arrest me if i failed the breathalizer.
I just shot gunned a beer for your birthday alone because you're too hungover at midnight to get out of bed. I'm not sure which of us is the bigger loser
i just went to use the bathroom this morning and I couldn't because there was someone puking in every stall. i'm going to miss the dorms this summer
Dude..her orgasm sent her into a seizure...theres no joke here. It happened.
First coke bust down the road. Spring is finally here.
It's like split custody, only he's not a kid and they have sex with him.
Neither of us have work tomorrow and we live w/n walking distance. This is your official Sandy booty call. Come rock me like a hurricane.
Doing a circuit workout and using a power hour playlist for my 1 minute timers. I am getting old. creative, but old.
I'm not going to pass up the opportunity to be half naked and covered in glitter without facing judgement or legal prosecution. I'll be there.
You had a hat of bras. Probably a good dozen, which is totally impressive for a Thirsty Thursday
We ended up on their roof with our pants around our ankles shotgunning beers at one point.
THIS MOTHERFUCKING ROOSTER
IT KEEPS CHASING ME BACK IN THE HOUSE
FUCK THIS BIRD
Ah you cut my boxers off with scissors, we're way past introductions
I'm just happy stripping was the reason you fractured your hand
He made me cum 3 times, then immediately after sex packed a bowl and passed it to me. Yeah.. I'll keep him.
Randomize
