i cant decide if i should go fuck j*** or keep watching real genius
if i could have babies with my dog i totally would cause i know thay would be fucking hott babies.
so I was like, you know platform 9 3/4? I know something else with those measurements. best. pick up line. ever.
What do you want me to say to her? "Oh hey, I need to borrow your soon to be husband to make a porn, cool?"
Level of drunkenness: just now when I sat down on the toilet, I had to double check to make sure I wasn't sitting on somebody's lap.
She used to be a real nice person. Now she's just a dick sucking machine
Just smoked out of an apple with Steve Jobs. I love Halloween.
Wtf man. I knew she was bad news. No sane person cares if you eat their raviolli.
U offered to motor boat her and it somehow turned into u two going on a sunset cruise in Newport. At 3am.
You sent me a picture of you holding a goat then asked me if I would have day sex
I'm using toast as a chaser. If I wasn't already so fucked up this would be revolting.
After walking ten blocks barefoot in Boston I've concluded drunk me needs to make better decisions.
I just found weed in my bra #magicboobs2k16
I'm done, I have no more memes or ways to ask for nudes, so yeah
Sooo does anyone wanna tell me why I threw up a cigarette this morning?
OMG YOU DID TO?!
Randomize
