i may or may not be hanging out with a boxer who has a daughter tonight. and he just spelled "honestly" like "onistly". He has prob taken a few too many hits to the head but he's hot at least.
Just checked my missed calls... why did you call me 37 times from 2:14 to 3:58?
i don't know how to normally transition into sexual activities without being drunk...
we got blazed and looked up peoples criminal records
I'd like to come home and be able to sleep in a bed that's not filled with crumbs from you getting too high and passing out while eating. This is seriously getting ridiculous.
He literally had a note from his doctor saying he wasn't allowed to finger me for a week
Are you two whores ready for me to turn the light on so you can see what you came home with last night?
Well I took a spicy wing shit in a field this morning.
Checking out a dudes' nachos instead of the dude #foreveralone
I really don't know how I went from having a few drinks to waging war against ghosts in my apartment but here we are
He played me Kanye.. Speaking my love language.. He got a well deserved BJ
just had sex in the back of my high school auditorium #dreamcumtrue
I got a discount on the lube for giving the cashier focaccia bread from work.
Where do you think black out memories go?
Into the dark abysmal abyss of the deepest, darkest part of your mind. It's obviously the bodies natural defense to protect you from witnessing the shit you do while actually blacked out.
She kept telling me that it pissed her off that i expect people to make out with me...then she made out with me. Win?
Randomize
