i dont know whats so great about being respectable.
I mean, he was my book buddy in 1st grade. The kid taught me how to read, the least I could do was give him head.
she definitely blew him on the riverbank, some lady floated past and said "have some pride honey", amazingly awkward
Just talked to Kate. She said I called her on Friday night. She said I was crying for 5 minutes because we were parked in front of a fire hydrant.
I don't drink so I see St. Patty's as an LSD type of day. Its like a more hardcore 420
I found his Linkedin the day after he created it. Too stalkerish or just right?
I'm laying here half naked telling him I'm eating gold fish to change the subject of hookin up cuz I don't wanna put pants on
Was I at least a good cuddler? Like at least honorable mention?
I have the best idea for a new business. It's going to be called "Lamb-Scape". We are going to cut lawns using lambs. You just put 5 or 6 on a lawn and they eat the grass #allnatural
YOU SAID YOU WERE OUT OF POT
..........
dropping lines from Workaholics has slowly become my icebreaker when hitting on girls. who would have thought "lets get weird" would cause girls to actually get weird
My roommate fed me my birth control pill while I was hungover laying on the couch so that's how my morning has been
Hey you're my best friend, I'm sorry I picked my vagina over my heart last night.
She said she was sober from drugs for a week. All I heard was Kenny Loggins singing Danger Zone.
Hi, I put a dog in your house, I hope it's yours.
Ik youre sleeping but fyi its 5:32am I'm sitting in the middle of the road bra less and shoeless with boxers in my hand and no ride. Shits real crazy.
Randomize
