I took a bird feeder and filled it with alka-seltzer. Can you say fireworks?
and then they started calling me 'Shitshow Shandra', which apparently i took as a compliment.
Two dudes got up on top of the pianos and danced shirtless. They didnt even get kicked out. I love vegas
trying to line up a DD for St Pats Day. i guarantee i will put out. or puke and pass out. really its 50/50 at this point.
Just gave some kid head in the library. Perfect way to end the semester.
walked into class wearing my zorro costume. some girl just said "oh my god, i fucked zorro this weekend." I found her.
Nothing says never again like hurling in the shower.
I left my pipe in my center console with a bowl packed when I took my car to the shop, and when I picked it up the weed had been smoked, but my oil change was only half price.
He's just sitting there staring at my sisters teddy bear hoping it will come to life.
Are you coming to class or was the dick pic this morning your way of saying not today?
We just don't discuss our relationships. It's pretty much like we're single no matter what to each other. And I'm okay with that. ¯\\(ツ)/¯
I think the only context in which I'd be comfortable being kidnapped is by a band of baby sloths
He doesn't deserve you. Your ass looks 8 times better than his face ever will. Wanna order pizza and watch porn?
he was really really nice, and I did coke off of his dong that night too
I got locked into my place today. You might be wondering if that was a typo... It's not.
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