I thought I drunk dialed Adam last night and left him a voicemail. I just checked my phone. I realize I left a drunk voicemail with my son's teacher.
I just know... :) goodntight
Whoops, meant "goodnight", but the other is true too.
First, he can't make me cum.. And now, he can't get it up because he LOVES me?!!??! i don't think so.
i did make 45 jello shots and that makes me feel more productive then any paper would
The future queen of Norway was pregnant with a druglord's baby when she met the prince. We still have hope.
He puts stickers to promote his new shirt company in every sack he sells. He's like the donald trump of weed
We've already decided our costumes for next Halloween. She's going as Cookie Monster and I'm going as Elmo. She's just going to ask for Oatmeal Cookie shots, and I'm asking for Red-Headed Slut shots.
Dude, its January.
We're going to do the voices too.
I'm gonna make a therapist very happy and very wealthy this semester.
If I had a mugshot, I would totally use it as my main picture on Tinder, just to keep it interesting.
Sex with him is like pizza, it can be shitty but its stillll pizza.....
Thank you for letting me get drunk enough to forget he was there tonight, but not drunk enough to make a complete fool of myself.
Apparently my thong was thrown in the cornfield last night. No one will tell me why.
I don't know about this Sanders guy after all. I'm voting for MYSTERY BABYLON, WHORE OF ALL THE EARTH
Hillary?
I JUST SENT A TOILET SELFIE TO THE WRONG PERSON.
Oh. Why can't it be something easy, like a punch card for blowjobs?
Randomize
