i would really appreciate it if you would stop texting my girlfriend.
i would really appreciate it if you would stop cock blocking me.
so i am drinking whiskey and watching home alone 2 by myself. it turns out moving to a foreign country isn't all that different after all.
Isn't that the only thing she's good at? Complaining and blow jobs?
I'm at a party with half naked strippers driving in a little kids battery powered mustang around a stipper pole in his bedroom
You're not required to sleep with every guy that spends $10 on you.
This little shit keeps eating the playdoh so i replaced the green with wasabi from work. Wonder what his parents are gonna think when he burns his soft palette?
Having vodka and cokes for lunch at work today because absolutely ZERO fucks are being given.
She face-timed me on the toilet. My dick is never going to recover from that.
if drunk means calling me and asking to borrow the game of life at 2am then I think you were drunk
This is one of those times I wish I had a time machine so I could go back and punch myself in the face to make me realize what I need to do before it's too late
Good, be his mentor. Like a tiny gay Yoda.
I only know one person in my class and that's my dealer.
Do you think I could use my teacher of month Award to get free drinks?
I hate her so much I want to fuck her boyfriend.
I need like a billion tiny bottles of alcohol to put in the patron pinatas
Randomize
