I was eating out this girl yesterday and when I finished, she asked me if I wanted to take any home with me. She was serious, dude!
What does that even mean?
I went down on her for at least a half hour, She loved it, so I thought she'd recip. She said "I only do that if I know I'm getting something out of it."
SHUT IT DOWN.
answer the phone. i thought i was eating cheese but it was butter. i ate a lot of it.
i dont know everytime i see her teeth i get erectile disfunction
I woke up next to her will a oven mit taped to my cock. Dear god, I might have tried to use it as a condom.
I made out with all three roommates...I didnt realize that was actually an awkward situation.
Bitch, I been tryna reach you all day to talk to you about these Dorito tacos.
I would like to request a high five for getting laid while wearing crocs and a crab hat.
he may or may not have motorboated me on the steps of the library of congress
Sometimes I just want to kiss you without you pulling ur cock out and waving it at me
She kept giving the uber driving directions and we all thought they were wrong so we'd send him the other way. Turns out she wasn't guiding us home, but to the half gallon that she hid in the bushes on the way to the bar.
We should leave before they realize I dumped a bowl of Fritos in your bag just in case I got hungry
In case I die. I'm in ares truck with a bartender named Dave from chuys. JUST IN CASE. And let the people know my last words were suck my dick. My like literally.
you were so high you just watched the elf.... its spring
Slept with a member of the band last night, found out today after extensive stalking he’s engaged. Pro tip: don’t research one night stands.
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