I un-blacked out around 7am watching J.lo videos on youtube
Hm. I declare blue a flavor.
Oh and you pulled your pants down outside in front of like five people, held my hand, then peed.
You fell on your face and the waitress just brought you a fresh drink
this is not real life
it never is. after midnight never counts.
please tell me why my pillow is wearing your thong...
...i wondered where i left that...
if she didnt wantt to be febrezed, she shouldnt have smelled so desperate.
At least I look tastefully trashed. My nipples are hidden and I'm standing up.
He called some chick he used to fuck for cash to get food delivered to cheer me up
I think I almost ran over some kid I went to high school with. Guilt factor: moderate to low.
Also you know what's irritating? When the guy you're sleeping with refuses to like any of your Instagram posts
When the dude you brought home from the bar on Thanksgiving leaves before you wake up ... #thankful
If a cop comes up to me I'm whipping out my cock, swinging it around and singing the national anthem
I wonder how long it will take her to realize that I peed in her night stand.
His dick is social distance approved
Social distance approved?
big enough for me to fuck from six feet away
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