just friend requested my arresting officer from last night. too soon??
We're official. Living with your boyfriend sounds so much better than fucking your roommate.
Anytime you have a hot, flirty, married woman that wants to ride you like a horse and slap your ass, you've got to do it.
Yeah, but four times?
I listened to the last 10 minutes of that 20 minute voicemail, it's solid gold. At one point he literally suggests we buy tasers and go around shooting people.
she said 'i love fried rice', threw a condom at me and passed out naked.
I feel compelled to tell you that I woke up this morning and found an entire corn on the cob in my purse. Ive decided not to question my drunken behavior anymore, and to just accept it as my lifestyle.
I figured, if I'm going to wear a gold cape its pretty safe to assume I'll be blacking out as well.
thanks for waiting 12 hours to ask if I was in a ditch or not
you are going to have to live with the consequences, i'm going to fuck your sister
Shrimp lo Mein doused in green apple Smirnoff is a rare delicacy only a few get to experience..guess I should consider myself lucky
He doesn't care. He wouldn't care if my vag grew arms and smacked him in the face.
Male strippers are involved. You are coming
Quick!! What's a good reason for me to have rug burn on my chin?
I spent the morning naked in her roommates closet because her parents decided to come over after church..
My apartment stinks of burning failure
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