It wasn't long before I skipped the martini glass and went straight to drinking from the shaker.
Legit screaming match in this bar over the differences between cupcakes and muffins.
please dont make me drink to the titanic soundtrack
yeah the little voice in my head screaming YOU NEED TO GET LAID eventually grew legs and started kicking me so to avoid brain damage i had to fuck him
I told you in the isle if you get the one that vibrates that I masturbating with it. Your fault.
Bullshit. You owe me a toothbrush.
First time at a gay bar. I found a surrogate AND sperm donor! The surrogate is straight, so it evens out.
I hope you gays don't get too crazy after DOMA. Gay divorces aren't any better than straight ones.
And now you understand the importance of Saturday naps.
Because you stay up all night having sex and eating sushi?
I haven't been that free with the boobs since I was 19. I'm putting them away for a while.
If you insist
The one guy literally flopped my boob out. Yes I insist.
I think he's an actor
That's not a good enough reason to wear guy-liner
Can you come unlock the door? I just peed myself on the porch.
I was so close to going to get my nipples pierced with my mom today
She's officially a Tinder poltergeist.
Remember that time I came to London for 4 hours, got hammered, cried for an hour and then left.
Lady at the airport across from me just pulled a cat out of her bag. can't deal with this right now..
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