you were so drunk you slurred your pauses
His facebook status is an owl city song. I'm so glad i didn't end up fucking him.
He gave me a pearl necklace on top of my Karma necklace I was wearing. I guess I deserve whats coming to me.
I don't have the urge to be a home-wrecker with these two. I think I've grown, don't you?
rethinking that breast reduction surgery... i'm tired of drunkenly explaining the scars to guys who don't really give a shit
She literally crushed my balls between her butt cheeks. It was both the greatest and worst thing ever. Dancers are awesome.
She blew me in the back of the cab while eye of the tiger was on the radio. Top five all time automatically
So should I finish watching Space Jam and then get head? Or get head while secretly watching Space Jam?
I used that money i stole from the stripper last night to pay for my date tonight.
This body was not built to go to the gym. It was built to chain smoke cigarettes and shoot whiskey
Apparently "I have the beer shits" isn't the excuse my boss wanted to hear. So sue me
Lemme put it this way babe, at point you were naked in Target.
Where were you?
Laughing
My skirt was too short for the church and I brought my flask to the Scrooge play. God bless us, everyone!
gonna guess the empty vodka bottle and open can of tuna in the bathroom drawer are related?
Slept with the roommate last night and also discovered that she believes in eugenics. I may need to slow down my drinking
Randomize
