ya know if you hadnt broke up with me, that porno we made wouldnt have a 3.3 rating on youporn right now...
I'm think I may have given your ex's number to a convicted sex offender.
Win!
feel weird hangin out with you now that i've eaten your sister out
When he was fingering me, it felt/looked like he was digging around for pocket change.
I feel like a combination of david goes to the dentist and drunkest guy ever goes for more beer
Tonight's Real World episode reinforced the well-known fact that men of any caliber can hook up with girls named "Crystal"
He told me I had nice tits + they have a great shape. + then proceeded to flatten my boob + show me what the gross tits he's seen look like.
I remembered to bring wine in a nalgene bottle, but I forgot sunscreen and water. I'm starting to question my life decisions.
Okay: Whipped cream, vodka, and a trampoline. This will either be really great, or really tragic.
I just woke up tangled in fishing line while wearing someone else's bathing suit with fishes drawn all over me. What kind of sex did we have?
Fuck away man. Like 3% of these new people will be back next week. This is the best week of the year to slam bitches at the gym.
Totally just railed SuperGirl for my birthday. Best Girlfriend EVER!
Just broke my no shot rule again.. Made out with a stranger. That's 0 for 3 this month for the record
I shaved an Xmas tree into my junk.... I placed your present underneath.
Yeah you'd pretty much be ruined if you broke up with a guy like that and then had to return to the dating pool
Randomize
