Apparently Chef Boyardee is the only guy I'm taking home tonight.
the day after is always just damage control
The last two calls in my phone are dominos and 911. I'm not sure how my night went.
Dude if our hands were ladels we could work at a soup kitchen
That would be so convenient
He slow fucked me. Doggy style. On a porch. You never slow fuck doggy style. Its a law. A LAW.
Just explain how I got from the bar to a house I've never been in, waking up to a cop in uniform ripping a bong
I may not have eyeballs after all the drunk naked people having sex outside.
Me and allie were just offered cocaine by a strange man in a women's bathroom. Why have I not lived in Austin my whole life?
And I just realized we will be at a strip club when the end of the world is supposed to happen. This is destiny
Yea I almost drowned giving a BJ in the shower once
I'm going to get old and fat one day... probably pretty soon and I'm not going to have any pictures to show to my cats of what I once looked like.
That's what you get for doing kinky shit with a guy that lives in his moms basement.
So besides your brother walking in on you shaving and singing "I'm gonna get asssss" how was your night
You were in the girls bathroom yelling at some random chick because you thought she stole all the urinals. That's why you were kicked out.
You don't have to buy me dinner, watch tv or even hang out if you don't want. Just fuck.
Randomize
