No seriously, I have to sell the house because my wife found out I'm gay.
This random guy asked me if I had downs. I was like up yours! And I got out of his car.
so evidently yelling "gay" everytime your bf tells you how he feels is cause for breakup. news to me
She's coming to town, taking me to a Suns Game, wants Anal, and knows we're not going to date, I imagine this is what heaven is like
once I found out that a naked stripper wasn't gonna pop out of the cake I kind of just lost interest in the party
I voted for him because his wife supports his raging sex life.
We're the only two others left at work. My internal monologue is going: TAKE ME. TAKE ME NOWW. ON THE COUNTER. IN FRONT OF THE MANAGER. JUST TAKE MEEE
How hard to you think I will be judged if I order 8 giant pickles from Jimmy Johns right now?
I had to physically pry the rocks out of your hands so you wouldn't throw them at the guy with the cowboy hat. You probably would've missed anyways.
I LIKE NICE BOXERS OKAY!? COMBINED WITH A GLORIOUS DICK JUST MAKES THIS EVEN BETTER. WE MOVE IN TOGETHER AND THAT PIC'S GETTIN FUCKING FRAMED.
What kind of present accurately says to my male suitemate "I'm sorry that I accidentally flashed you my vagina while I was super drunk"?
I'm too old for chlamydia. That's for 20 year olds who go to clubs and do drugs I've never heard of.
who are you talking about my vagina to?!
We used to bone, but now she's my life coach.
I remember waking up on the bathroom floor and seeing my teeth behind the toilet
Randomize
