Gonna be late. Someone jumped in front of our train.
the only time it's appropriate to sing In The Air Tonight by Phils Collins is while sake bombing at Cal Beach
um or while having sex on a train
Anywhere you can eat green eggs and ham, you can have sex.
Fist pumping is hard when country music is playing FYI but I am committed
beer for lunch on the first day back to school.... too soon?
I feel like i made up for not being able to drink on St Pattys Day, Mardi Gras, and last years Cinco De Mayo. That hungover.
Let me make this really simple. We woke up this morning and fucked three times. When I got up and took a shower she cleaned up the mess from last night and did the dishes. Then we went out and she bought me brunch. I don't give a FUCK how much you don't like her.
Doubtful. That seems irresponsible. The 4th will kill you if you stopped drinking until then. Let's think logically.
i just sent him like 8 different sexts and he texted me back about how good the hummus is that i left in his fridge.
Ed's in which sucks about a thousand cocks... But thats 1800 less than working with Alex so it's gonna be a good day
She had a cast on when I met her, but she blamed me for breaking her arm this morning. I'm gonna marry this girl.
I'm glad that even though we are states apart our whorish hearts beat as one
I feel like if tampons weren't meant to be microwaved, they'd have a warning on the box, so we should be okay...
oh my god. picked the worst day ever to not wear underwear...
I'm just gonna stop you right there because there is, in fact, no such thing.
Is it a bad thing when vodka doesn't taste like vodka anymore?
Randomize
