i found a roscoes card in my pocket that says 'fuck me bare fo $15.20'. Wow
um. i met him on myspace...we text now, he lives down the street
i called my mom using *69 and said this was the principal and Matt has a snow a day today. she believed me.
When I start carrying a bottle in my hand, jumping from boat to boat with a grenade horn. YOU should know this isn't going to turn out well.
Everyone already knows you're a drunk, they understand.
that wasn't rum that I poured down your throat while you were sleeping
His penis has been a bonding mechanism beyond comparison.
Be proud. You give fat lesbians everywhere shower-nozzle worthy material for weeks on end.
Well, that now makes it the 4th girlfriend in a row to cheat on me. I don't even care anymore...I'll date a prostitute and not even worry.
lesson learned.. dressing up like a naughty teacher doesn't mean you can get away with spanking a cop with a ruler for being "fresh" with you
She came out of my bathroom wearing nothing but high top Converse, a leather jacket and a tongue stud. I love rock bars.
i rearranged my furniture so i could masturbate in the sun. how's that for spring cleaning?
how did you set a fucking salad on fire????????
I yelled at him as he left "you broke up with me. You lost your blow job privileges"
Also: that bruise on my leg where you left like 3 sets of teeth marks keeps getting run into the corners of desks and shit. And I can't even complain to anyone at work
Give me like 5, I have to feed a moose and find my pants.
Randomize
