It's a pity Stephen Hawking can't do sarcasm.
He was eating me out on the dryer...and his mom walked in with her laundry basket...
He wasn't the only one with a full load.
You realize it's finals week?
Ya that's the school's fault. St. Patrick's day came first.
What's your middle initial? I need it for the census. I put us down as "unmarried partners."
Oh my god... you're gay. Ps, its A.
No no. According to the 2010 US Census, we're gay.
I taped Calvin and Kyles heads together face to face while they were passed out. You should have seen them stumbling around using hungover teamwork trying to find scissors.
She. Own s my pussycat. Roxk it like. The sun hitting the horizon
Seriously? What part of meeting at Oktoberfest while I'm wearing a dirndl, double fisting, and making out with random guys screams "i'm girlfriend material"?!
She just broke down showed up grabbed a beer said fuck it pulled off her fake eyelashes looked at my roommate and said we need to break up you're a nice guy and I'm a whore
If my mom walks in on me masturbating one more time I'm moving out
You'd think the first few times would have been enough
Guess what I signed up for?!?!?!
Please tell me you're not selling your eggs.
At a point I was just cumming dust last night
Death by dick. An honorable death. Put a picture of his dick in the photo collage at my funeral.
But if you move out who will get drunk with me on the roof and yell at boys?!?
Woke up naked with a post-it that said "don't ask questions" on my ass...i know im not supposed to ask but uhm what did I do?
I think someone is dead in a car across the street
Scratch that, dude's getting a blow job
Randomize
