.....so he has a son. Josh. That is not his roommate
took 5 apple pie shots. caution: flames. not digestable.
Yo dude either Brian has herpes or he was jerking off to Web MD 'cause I just walked in on him
Spent 30 minutes in the board meeting trying to figure out where the foul smell was coming from. Thought it was the guy's feet sitting next to me. Then i uncrossed my legs. Turns out it was my vagina. Thank goodness for travel size febreeeze.
i literally paused in the middle of it, turned on my light, pointed to the picture netxt to my bed and go "you hooked up with my roommate too!!! AWWW!" he was so weirded out. i don't think he understands the relationship we have..we share..
You kept running up to random groups of people and saying "I'm a Dallas Cowboy Cheerleader so we all have to chug our drinks!" and they all listened to you.
Come on Nikki god gave you a vagina for a reason, so you could tell guys what kind of shots to buy you
They are fixing my bike for free, trying to smoke me out, and their kids keep hugging me.
I'm not THAT invested in seeing you to an orgasm
Every time you talk about your facial hair I immedately get horny
You can get gift cards to the liquor store! This changes everything.
She fucked my eyebrows.. I've never had that done before.
Wait... Plucked, or Fucked?
Fucked, but I understand your need to clarify
We were trying to organize all the customers to hold a window pickle race. as of 10:37 pm last night we are no longer allowed in our McDonalds.
You were just laying there on the air mattress watching spongebob with a knife. We tried to take it from you, but you insisted it was your emergency escape in case you started to float off.
aloe plants are like gummy bears with an exoskeleton, but with healing powers instead of deliciousness.
are you on the drugs???
Randomize
