she was hot for a redneck and i dont look at teeth
i dont know whats so great about being respectable.
so...dinner was kid's cuisine and a bottle of wine. i think they go well together.
I am SOOO high
tell me about your high
HUGE THUMBTACKS
nothing like baby laughter to ruin a masturbation moment
RIGHT?!?! I'M ACTUALLY UPSET I DON'T GET TO MAKE THE 2.3 MILE TREK TO SUCK HIS COCK, yes I google earthed it.
My time here is complete. I think I have now thrown up in every major degree programs building
He's asking if he can send a dick pic. How do I politely decline that?
My dick hurts from so many people grabbing it last night. We're not going back to that club
When we were eating pie last night, I dropped some, and not only did you not judge me for far surpassing the 5 second rule, you let me use your foot to sock mop with. You're a good friend.
I put you to bed and you would not go unless I let you sleep with the vodka
You grabbed the hot guy that was making out with his girlfriend all night, slurred "I need to borrow this" then shoved your hand down his pants. All because you thought your ex walked into the bar. It was majestic in its shitshowness.
And the view of you in reverse cowgirl is arguably the most spectacular view ever... And I've seen the Eiffle tower, the colosseum, mountains of Hawaii, Michaelangelo's David, and the Mona Goddamn Lisa. Just saying.
GO RIDE HIS EYEBROWS INTO THE SUNSET
I hope April is a better month for dicks. March has been very disappointing.
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