Her tattoo has the intellectual profundity of snakes on a plane except you can't laugh.
just fit an iguana in a condom...have pics
If Bret Micheals dies..will VH1 have to go off the air?
The saltiness of my tears mix perfectly with the tequila.
I have no idea. There are 6 asians singing hey soul sister to me right now.
Gold rum. Strong marijuana. Jabba the Hut in stilettos. Deep thigh bruise. Yes, thal all happened. Sorry dude.
I didn't even realize I grinded on a security guard last night. Shit. Did he at least like it?
We watched scrubs, then I got a shower blowjob which led to shower sex and the living room floor sex. Now she's baking cookies. I may not be studying, but I'm doing something right.
You couldn't remember her number so you tried to dial her name into your phone. Once you realized you didn't know her name, you dialed 7 random numbers
In light of your oncoming completion of twenty-three years of personhood, I feel a pressing need to blast country-pop phenomenon Taylor Swift's hit single "22" in your general direction until midnight.
The dick pic bandit just sent me a poem about showering..
having flashbacks of licking salt of your dick for my shot of tequila
orgy was averted by karaoke, thank god
I came twice and when I was done I petted his head and said "you did good kid you did good" and just laid back smiling. Tell me I'm not awesome.
Eh, it could have been worse. I may or may not have been wearing a jedi cloak while getting my dick sucked.
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