Dude, you need to talk to your mom
wtf?
She just called and asked if i would be part of the intervention she's planning for you
of course. lets lasso hookers.
you kept saying 'can i put my penis on the grill?' and it was all i could do to stop you. you're welcome, though
I've see this movie. You sext me after the bar and fall asleep mid sentence. Roll credits.
nothing like a tattoo of a large eagle attacking a small eagle whos attacking a shark to bond to siblings together for life
I left my Thanksgiving family dinner puking in my hands from the worst hangover in the world
She says I'm cute and I remind her of her brother. She's too hot to back out now. I don't know. I'm guna go for it.
im just going to wait until i dont feel like the grim reaper is having sex with me
There was a community pot of Ramen, and if you were in the pool you were either fully clothes or ass naked.
My mom just looked at me while watching the fireworks and asked if it reminded me of how I felt after sex. I'm so uncomfortable.
Judge me all you want, but while you are stuck at home eating Ramen and tap water, I will be dining with some guy who, although might be the same age as my father, is filthy rich.
She gave me what I will now dub a "hurricane sandy". Loud, wet and sloppy BJ that made me want to stay home and complain about shit on the Internet
Also, thank you for letting me cry in your lap on the bathroom floor. I can't remember if I was clothed at that point, but if I wasn't, extra thank you.
So i know i said I'm turning over a new leaf, but i met a guy with a dick piercing. I have to sleep with him. For science.
i am craving dick and cupcakes
Randomize
