Dude, she had a vegina. I felt like Indiana Jones cutting a path through the jungle.
Some broad at the bar just asked me how much money I make. I don't know whats worse, the question or the answer.
He told me to pretend to be a shark, and he would slay me with his harpoon cock.
No. Especially when my uncle started stripping. Too many shots. So that's where I get that from.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
we fucked while standing on a ladder. challenging, but worth it.
He broke up with his gf yesterday so he could give me our annual Christmas sex at midnight.
Marry him. Now.
Guess which frat house I just walked out of! And on a related note... guess who's uncircumsized
Either your boy toy or the kid who pulled a knife on me in high school is here
Reading an example in the GRE study book referencing Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles while wearing TMNT pajamas. *airfist*
omg please tell me you're eating pizza right now too.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Now I have the walk of shame to give the receptionist the bathroom key back, I've had it for 20 minutes. I should just smile and wink. She knows what went down.
Classic dick move. Breaking up your buddies 3-some by coming into his room and doing the Harlem Shake.
I feel so nauseous and all I want is string cheese. My life never makes sense.
he'll always be the guy that i fucked on the bathroom floor
Just found a pair of vomit-soaked socks in my purse, three days after the party... Now I know why my wallet was wet.
Im just drunk enough to admit that I miss Hannah Montana.
Randomize