i can now get sex on a playground off my list of things to do in life.
Lesson Learned this Week... If it seems too good to be true he is probably just trying to get you pregnant.
Dude, didnt you only know that guy for a month and he is demanding offspring?
Apparently, at this age my womb is an early conversation
I'd like to apologize to your liver. It sees how much beer i drink and gets jealous of how awesome my liver is.
He gave me a pearl necklace on top of my Karma necklace I was wearing. I guess I deserve whats coming to me.
I just threw up in a patch of wild flowers on the side of the road. I never knew rock bottom was so beautiful.
I'm too hungover to be in a fucking cow suit right now
Slipping me an edible before my ochem final was not your brightest idea. Looks like I'm switching to business.
this lesbian fantasy crush is getting WAY out of hand. just spent an entire meeting staring at her long fingers thinking, "oh those could be fun"
you two really need to work out your issues. my vagina can't handle another week of your pent up frustrations.
Hindsight is 20/20. Or a bladder infection.
If you're receiving this text it's probably because I drunkenly flashed you on Saturday. Sorry for forcing you to look at my tits. That was uncalled for.
Can we make a pact that if we're 40 and still sluts that aren't married we can get civil unioned the fuck up and raise an asian baby as our own?
Well, thats the first guy to go to jail because of my vagina
Post that event on your timeline
sexting foreigners is the best. they respond with silly things like "love that tits"
Like, I just want a guy who will drop what he's doing to come touch my vagina whenever I want and to leave me the hell alone whenever I want. Is that SO MUCH TO ASK??
Randomize
