You had a beer at 10:30 this morning?
Ya, I didn't have any Tylenol.
UPDATE: In a passionate fit of self love, I brought myself to orgasm under the moon on my 7th floor balcony, ejaculating between the rungs towards the ground.
Unfortunately, I did not realize that most of it would end up on the balcony below mine.
At least you don't cum in color.
take the plastic off of my new air freshener and i'm not going to eat you out for a month.
The iPad is going to make my porn collection SO much more glossier... thanks steve jobs.
I am scared. I picture you doing a keg stand on a sinking ship with hula girls cheering you on. Please text me when you get back to shore...or now would be good
i believe i can now do shots of gasoline with no chaser. its been that kind of summer.
The walk of shame out of a freshman dorm isn't so bad when you're 25, nobody questions you because they think youre gonna bust them for having weed
Because of him my new motto is "Keep calm and fuck a guy with a beard". Yes, I am serious.
Holy shit there is too much Taco Bell here to talk to you
Lol. I get my husbands paycheck every week. Immediate deposit into my purse next to his balls.
I feel like I was playing penis roulette last night nd I landed on the wrong one.
Just seriously saw this chick say, watch this motherfuckers then did a 42 sec keg stand.
You at least asked for her number right?
I have dined. Now I want to get fucked.
well you're talking to a woman who had glorious sex less than 24 hrs ago so my opinion is biased.
She's like a cask of Amontillado. Very tempting if I was drunk, but sober, I know I'll get fucked over in the end.
Randomize
