Without porn, I would have few hobbies.
She calls her new ritual "bed, bath, and beyond crunk". Hence why I found her passed out in my bath tub this morning.
So, do you know where my left shoe is? I mean, we were at a few places last night, and I called them. No luck for me.
I woke up naked dangling by my feet from the balcony over his foyer. He's officially my new favorite booty call.
I remember nothing of last night, but I did manage to figure out which frats I went to by the trails of straw across campus.
I told you in the isle if you get the one that vibrates that I masturbating with it. Your fault.
Bullshit. You owe me a toothbrush.
you walked onto the street in the middle of the 10K in your thong. it was a whole new kind of expirience.
It'd probably just be a lot of profanity and hyperventilation and deteriorating into tears anyways
so just a regular conversation then
I went on an adventure and now we have more food.
Well, really we just have fire sauce and cookies. But they're edible.
I have a tattoo that says Yolo. You should not have been asking my advice in the first place
If it exists, I've probably pregamed it.
whenever i get involved w someone i'm gonna give you their number to testify to the fact that they should not fall in love with me
I just saw the co founder of Waffle House passed away Friday. Are you okay?
That's about the same time my life started falling apart... Coincidence?!?!? I think NOT!!!
Guy from the bar last night left his number on my waterbill on the counter, at the bottom he put don't forget I can hook you up at Little Caesars I work their part time.
You sure know how to pick em.
I ripped ass in on and around her face during a hard 69. I don't think she'll ever call me again.
Randomize
