If it makes you feel better he went down on me when i had a yeast infection.
"fuck a duck" is spelled out in chinese food on my counter... im kind of nervous to search the rest of my house......
Look, all I'm sayin is $2 boilermakers and an expense account are probably a bad mix…
While I was banging her, her cell rang. She checked to see who it was, answered it, and moaned, "I'm dumping you."
She just kept introducing me to people by telling them which of their friends I've fucked
Dad just showed up on someone else's golf cart, filled an ice chest with booze and left while yelling "SHINANIGANS!!!!" this is going no where fast.
You dont lie about slip and slides
You are. Embrace it. But you are the right kind of asshole.
You tried to impress her by kicking the 5th floor button in the elevator, but you ended up kicking everything from 3 to 11. Then you said, "pretty accurate, huh ladies?"
He's rapping about a turtle neck sweater. Please come get me.
Until they make a bed that bathes you in your sleep, I will not be satisfied.
Listen, unless you want to spend your birthday in a trunk, you better invite me
You were cuddling with an eight iron and I was eating a fajita completely ignoring your presence.
call me with an emergency in 5 min. This chick has a strap on hangin behind the bathroom door.
Listen, I love you but you cannot refer to your dick as the holy sister anymore
Randomize
