So my mom just called me into her room and showed me a condom wrapper she found in my room. "Oh that's from when I was like 16." I don't think that was very comforting.
i just sent this text using only my big toe
yup, got lost on my way to the final. maybe i should have gone to this class all semester
New game: Step 1) Turn on ESPN. Step 2) Drink every time someone says "LeBron."
Well i have to fuck at least one of your roommates this year to keep the tradition alive.
you were sitting on your bed looking out the window, rocking back and forth naked, saying how peaceful it looked outside
Sorry for punching you in the face last night. I should have known the boxing gloves were a bad idea from the start.
who put toothpaste on EVERY doorknob in my house?!
stuck in the elevator with that hot guy from the 3rd flood. Worried he can smell my spray tan and desperation
Just came out of my room at 8 AM to find 2 pounds of raw hamburger and a half eaten cake strewn across the hallway. And I'm not surprised at all.
I got called a drunken housewife today in class. I'm proud, not many people can say they've achieved their life goals like I have by the time they turn 20
So much rum. So many feels.
I'm definitely not at Wal-Mart eating jalapeno poppers with an elevated blood alcohol content
I couldn't even tell you how many times I've said "wrong hole" today
She shit herself again. We're calling her the "Queen of Sharts".
Randomize
