i just woke up i smell like fire, i have bruises on both knees and one elbow, i have a lighter and nip of smirnoff blueberry in my bed, rug burn on one hip and about 12 pics of you and me on my camera-this needs to stop happening
yea ive got to shower which is going to be painful given the skin burns from the blowup obstacle course races last night
Im mastering the way to pass gas silently.
I am about to be in my happy place. (the shower with a 6 pack)
so as we were driving to pick up my grandma from old navy she procedes to yell into our open window.. "I'll make ya holla fo a dolla" umm...
he came in the shower with me...i thought it was going to be nice and romantic...until he started peeing on my leg.
HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO LOOK FUCKABLE IN AN ALL NEON SPANDEX JUMPSUIT?
I bought everclear. Bring your party pants and some addies
You're not gonna punch me in the face again are you?
While eating post sex burritos I dripped taco bell sauce on my boob. He licked it off and asked why I hadn't thought of that before.
I just stabbed open a can of Spaghetti Os with a spork. Who says I cant take care of myself?
I sliced my fucking arm open last night after margarita madness and had to drive myself to the ER. Got six stitches and a social worker came in and asked if I was abused due to my sex bruises. I literally had to tell her "don't worry, I like it rough"
I think id rather titty fuck an A cup than deal with what happened tonight again. shits depressing
You were definitely drunk. You gave him an otphj in front of everyone.
No one with a hairstyle like that is allowed to insult anyone for anything
Yeah, so if you ever try to steal it, just know my tongue's been on it in several occasions. All over it.
Is it weird that my mother is taking body shots off my gf after meeting once?
Randomize
