Im broke. I spend all my money on weed cigarettes alcohol and food. In that order. I cant even cut one of those because you know it'd be food. I already stopped getting my nails done just so i could support my bad habits.
Are they hot? And are the slutty? These are my concerns for any wedding. You say yes, and yes, I will be your best man
UPDATE: lighting the grill with Bacardi. Haven't slept. Forgot the hamburger buns. Almost out of our eighth handle.
Dude I reek of $2.50 pitchers, $1 off/pack marlboro cigs, and fear.
Fear?
FEAR.
PUB CRAWL IS THE WEEK I COME BACK FROM NOLA OMG OMG OMG. Has it been a year already since I tried to make out with you and you let a bar tender take a shot out of your cleavage? Time flies.
There are two women in my bed. I'm gonna have a bowl of noodles so I can better understand my success.
Just got offered a dog by two Meth head's one of which wasn't wearing shoes and continually saying "fuck"
I feel like if you're funneling natty lights on a Wednesday at 2:30pm at the apartment complex pool during finals week, you probably don't have your priorities straight.
Can you help me get ready before work? I need a look that says I'm-happy-to-help-but-I'm-hungover-so-leave-your-attitude-at-the-door-because-I'm-not-taking-anyone's-shit-today.
Got a minor my first day of college from the bike police. I'm gonna like it here
Well start with a list of things you don't want to do... Like maybe 1) I don't want join Isis. That's a good start.
I may have had several rum punches and then gone to the store and used European cucumbers to prove my baton twirling prowess.
i just remember that i was on top of him and he wasnt contributing to the event much.. god i hope he wasnt asleap.
I just got yelled at by a stripper for being a tease.
He still want's to kick my ass for fucking his sister, probably a bad idea to leave the bar with his ex...
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