When I meet a new girl, I'm terrified of mentioning something she hasn't already told me but that I have learned from some light internet stalking.
she is the kim kardashian of front butts
My life has become a never ending game of 'illegal or just frowned upon?'
There is a pink thong attached to a bottle of svedka hanging from my ceiling fan..is this yours?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
She called all of my friends to find out where I was last night. 7 out of ten said their place.
It's like a toaster oven for my penis
I renamed his cat Jeff last night. Well I spray painted it on him.
I was laying out of the open window, talking with him on the phone, while we were both puking at the same time.. Guys at the party called it "true love"..
Jesus christ. I put you on speaker when you called me last night and you told me to brush my teeth with a dick.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I don't think I've ever had this many people offer me blow before. 3 o'clock on a Thursday. I keep good company.
Somehow my family started talking about sex toys at breakfast.
i just wanna know who wrote "dibbz" on my ass?
I just tried to snap you a picture of the CVS where we decided not to become parents.
You tried to eat your way through the wall. Like you literally tried to eat drywall and insulation.
i feel like the girl with kaleidoscope eyes except the kaleidoscopes are sparkly butt plugs
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