Apparently I think casual Friday means I can show up unshaven in yesterday's clothes and reeking of booze.
I seriously just washed my dick in a public restroom. That's how dirty last night got
btw he is cheating on one twin with the other. the main woman in his life has a mullet. I defiantly have either the coolest or weirdest uncle ever
What sexual position says im sorry for your loss?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Rehydrating your liver back to life is never a good idea.
The bartender just hugged us goodnight. I think we go there too often.
I think I may have walked up to her while she was with her friends and asked for a "do over".
I received a text promising me sex if I drove to Memphis this weekend. Too bad for my penis that we're watching zombie movies and playing cards.
Bobbing for jello shots in a bucket of long island. Fast track to alcohol poisoning.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You are lucky that I'm drunk. Otherwise I would bone you into another universe
The last person that asked me out got pushed down an escalator
Did anyone see us fucking last night on the giant turtle outside downtown Disney?
Sorry I threw up all over your Lyft.
It's ok I woke up next to a dumpster.
we went outside for a smoke and when we came back in you were ptfo on the floor holding the phone to your ear. Pizza pizza was on the line.
We smell like vodka and hangover
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