i just woke up in a strange room and the first thing i saw was a chewbacca mask... wtf
12 pack with dinner. Living by yourself is awesome.
Thanks for making me watch you dance provacatively by yourself in the bathroom so you could see if you looked fat.
you insisted on breathalizing me with a inhaler.
Tell me why Im cashing out of Walmart with Smirnoff and catfood
It was the gentlest way I could hit on a girl who just got hit by a car
a girl just walked by me crying on the phone saying, "all I ever do is menstruate"
I was cut off by 8, I need to rethink this breakup therapy strategy
Tomorrow night wont work for me. I'm talking with Bryan about marriage and I dont want to have a shroom hangover.
Maybe I don't remember every single thing... I think there's a hi lighter treasure map drawn on my arm...
I just found it. I hope it leads to food.
She face-timed me on the toilet. My dick is never going to recover from that.
I just power smoked 3 bongs, ate hot cocoa mix before making hot cocoa, and realized James Spader's character on The Office reminds me of your mom.
You sprinted into the side of a parked car
Goddamnit Shari. He's not called Pencil Dick because he's good a sketching...
He sent me a snap with the dog tongue filter. I might have to bench him.
Randomize
