Question. A woman tells her guy she's on birth control. Stops taking it to have a kid to force the guy to be responsible and with her. What rights does that guy have
None he's f-d
I was going to clean my house but wine sounded better
you thought your tounge was "malfunctioning" because every time u spoke it wouldnt sit still.
i awoke yet another morning with penis breath. ive been so generous santa has to bring me a shit ton of presents
Have you seen my high heels that I wore out?
You mean the one that you threw at the parked cop car or the one in the microwave?
you kept saying 'can i put my penis on the grill?' and it was all i could do to stop you. you're welcome, though
I just got over my period in 3 days...I believe that is god's way of saying "go fuck an amazingly attractive Italian boy on vacation"
Sometimes you just need a break, and sometimes you also need to get stoned on these breaks. I sound like some kind of fucked up mr rogers when I say shit like that.
Yeah...don't think he was sober. He kept screaming "I fucking love this game!". It was his Chase app.
He just kept yelling cup my balls to everyone they kicked us out after 20 min
We're looking for the removeable roof from her Miata. Winner gets a 40.
I just singed the hair in my nose trying to re-light a joint. now all i can smell is burnt hair. day ruiner
Sorry, I was watching the Olympic story about the Canadian guy and drinking out of the prescription bottle and crying because it was so beautiful.
He tried to tell me that that stripper was his aunt..
You came out in nothing but lingerie and a Jedi robe claiming you needed more of those baby hot dog things or you were gonna go all Sith on us
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