Crap im kindd 0f drunkk we just hooked up in a mcdonalds parking lot but i dont know why how we are here
I always feel awkward when im sitting at home watching the price is right and the fat contestant get the gym equipment.
it was average length and chubby
so kinda like him?
now i'm wondering if all guys are shaped like their penis...
its like think what a normal person would think but completely the opposite.
I hate thxgiving break now because that totally means I'm not able to have sex for a week.
No you can't have a vodka redbull. The pilgrims didn't have vodka redbull.
Woke up naked wearing mismatched earrings. Didn't even make it to the bar.
I feel like our lives always have been and always will be a never ending drunken rampage full of pregnancy scares and lost brain cells
This chick had a microhand. Fucking, like, jerking off a baby carrot would make it look like corn.
He pushed a skinny white blonde out of the way just to tell me "you have the finest ass, like ever."
I have never loved a nerdy white boy this much.
I think the pizza delivery guy is getting a handjob next door.
There's literally not a single picture of him with a shirt on. I can't talk to him without dislocating my eye balls.
I guess you know it was a good night when you find your ripped underwear in your pocket, and a nerf bullet falls out of your pant leg 😂😂
Why did two squirrels just run out from behind the couch?
About that.
He literally shouted this Viking war cry when he cam. Then as we laid there he sang me the most beautiful rendition of " When Irish Eyes are Smiling". I've never been more confused.
Randomize
