some girl that im facebook friends with has H1N1, im scared to even go to her facebook page
Woke up with pink eye in both my eyes. That's how the threesome went
Please don't die.. At a gay bar... On a Wednesday. Obituaries are not allowed to be that entertaining.
Dude. I kneed him in the face and gave him a black eye. It's like a constant reminder of our hookup. I feel like herpes. I never go away...
We just set the fire alarm off with a fog machine. What's my first instinct? Finish my drink. I think I handled that correctly.
She told me she gets scared easily and that I had to protect her. Then I made a condom joke that ended up making her cry... All bad dude
Maybe we could get a groupon for vasectomy. I'm game.
I went to the bar saying i wasn't going to drink that much. I forgot sobriety might as well be some mythical creature when you're with Holleey
You did it first. I was merely expressing my support for you, by pressing my testicles against a window.
No padding. I spent my whole summer with my nips out. October don't need that too.
I couldn't do it. You can't break up after that many orgasms. It's physically impossible.
I got drunk and tried to make special rice krispie treats, but I made a mess and they were all stuck to my hands, so I just decided to eat my way out of the catastrophe and I think shit's about to get even weirder than usual.
She invited us over for cocaine and donuts
We were 6 minutes into the movie before we realized the whole movie was spoken in Italian. That level of stupidly-ripped
If he's dating my cousin now, do I have to erase the pictures of his dick off my phone? Ugh, morals.
Randomize
