I slept walked to the toilet and woke up pooping. Easily one of the most disorienting events of my life.
While sitting in bed naked eating ramen and watching the colbert report I realize why random sex happens.
I think we were cool up until the point where he saw that planned parenthood was on my speed dial.
her idea of "friends with benefits" is her doing my laundry. i'm cool with it.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just found a picture of a hobo making out with her tits...a HOBO
I convinced a shit ton of people I was a russian foreign exchange student to get free drinks. I knew learning those accents would come in handy.
If this nail lady pinches my achilles one more time im kicking her directly in her bedazzled boobs
I would have cried, probably tears of wine, but cried nonetheless.
you showed up at my door at 3am, handed me a bag of cold chicken nuggets and said "lead me to the non-irish Siobhans," do YOU think you were tripping?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Dude, putting on underwear straight out of the dryer is the greatest thing ever. It feels like I wrapped my vagina in a warm blanket.
Let's go buy marshmallows and play chubby bunny until we feel alive again
he was Irish, I had to have sex with him.
If this adventure is going to get us arrested it'll have to wait until Wednesday so that I can bail myself out.
Should I be concerned that he called me mom when I got in bed on top of him?
so i may or may not have just had sex on the stage of the lecture hall....
Randomize