so chris just stuck his hand between rachel's legs and yelled 'TROUT!' and we were like...you're wasted
you traded sex for a burrito?
Either way I should probably pregame on the plane
One person in the car. Three blizzards. Alot of judging.
Did you make me take pictures of your ass last night because you fucked on some wet paint or did i dream that?
BABIES FOR EVERYONE. I'd be like Oprah except with babies
Your car is in front of my house. Keys are in the mailbox. There is a fire hydrant in your trunk. Happy Birthday
Obama's speech on in 9 mins. Me in the shower now. Naked. Make your choice.
I'm bringing the tv in with me.
I took the weekend off because he and I were supposed to go to Vegas for our anniversary and get a hooker remember?
Ah, yes. Who says romance is dead?
Almost just stuck my dick in my bong for no reason
I hate vagina strikes, but I must not stray from my path. My boyfriend will know the true meaning of blue balls.
Some guy just ordered at Cosmo and 2 screwdrivers in the sky club at 8:30 am. I'm starting to feel a lot better about my alcoholism
As a heterosexual male nursing student, the odds are ever in my favor. My first semester has basically been The Horny Games. I've killed almost all of the competitors at this point.
It's gotten to a point that when guys say "I'm gonna cum" I've developed a habit of responding "dooo itttt" in a deep voice. #isthatweird
I wet willied a stranger last night didn’t I?
Randomize
