he saw my "i like bacon" magnet on the fridge and i told him how much i love meat, then we started making out
what a beautiful fairy tale
I'd do that. But we would need storm trooper helmets.
Whenever I said your name you screamed polo and did another shot.
as they left, you opened the door, dropped your pants then yelled "don't leave, this is what you're missing"
i should do something illegal before my birthday. as of thursday im old enough to go to jail.
i feel like the 7 eleven by your house knows our deepest, darkest secrets
Just blew my age on the breathalyzer. I also have 8 stitches in my head. So worth a .22 though. All time record.
I just threw up again because I opened my eyes... God is laughing. I resorted to taking the Mexican Dramamine because I feel seasick from walking. Not helping.
Super awkward that I just now realized I added no verb to the first statement about super hero porn. We were watching it, not making it. Clarity.
So I just went to 3 different stores because there is no way I can walk out of one store with this many reeses and still have my pride.
I wish you looked at me the way you looked at my brothers penis
I'm just glad I met someone who probably won't punch you in the face
i don't like interrupting booty calls. thats just rude.
He just took off his shirt. I'll text you later.
He ate me out in the passenger seat of his Range Rover in a Tim Hortons parking lot. I could hear “oh canada” on the radio from a nearby school as I came. Most patriotic orgasm ever!
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