The bar is filled with bros right now. Sucks I had to pay $5 to find that out.
Dude, you just left me a 3 minute voicemail of pop rocks in your mouth. Im sitting right next you
Hey baby girl when you gonna let my tongue get up in that ass like i'm an explorer trying to go deep under on a quest for the lost city of atlantis
your text was fucking rediculious. Will let you eat my asshole though.
I just had teddy grams, ritz crackers, and twizzlers for dinner. Hello, end of the semester.
I've decided I'm just gonna keep drinking til the baby bump shows...
Oh my god my life; so much cake and so little sex
Remember the time we were horrifically hung over, went to mcdonalds, an you merely felt the weight of the mcnuggets box and knew there was an extra?
like it was yesterday
you said you were a responsible adult. then you licked the wall.
She kept screaming "best case scenario"
THERE WAS A HANDPRINT OF BLOOD ON HIS SHOULDER
DC is easy, you will figure it out.
I'm drunk and blonde. You are wayyyy underestimating this.
My parents just told me that if I stop drinking I could do something great with my life...
They obliviously haven't seen you dance on top of a pool table then
She makes margaritas with lemon-lime 5 hour energy..thats brilliant
and you were wondering how she got into Harvard
also new logic of mine : I fuck a Scottish kid , Scotland national animal is a Unicorn airgo I've come close to fucking a unicorns descendent, mother always said dreams come true
He literally shoved the EMT, climbed in the back of the ambulance with his vodka and was like, "C'mon, people. Wrap this up. I got shit to do."
Randomize
