I DID IT WITH MY SOCKS ON!
worst 3rd wheel sitch ever. i'm crammed into a booth with him and chubs mcgee and his hand is between her legs. thank youuu karma.
WHY DID I DRINK ALL THE INGREDIENTS FOR VOMIT?!
last night i was so high that when a homeless person asked me for a dollar, i responded: dolla dolla bill ya'll.
Worst part was I had to fart super bad and didn't want to ruin the room so I farted in a pillow and threw it under the bed.
obviously my correlation between being a pro surfer and being extremely good in bed was 100% wrong.
i gave her a can of corn and told her the cabs are accepting non perishable food items over the holidays. blatant lie and she lives like $40 away
He kept telling me how extraordinarily clean my ears were.
I just masturbated to a Jock Jams cd. What have you done today?
You see it tends to piss fathers off when they find their daughter in the arms of a shirtless guy that neither he nor his daughter knows.
I want to get up and tell you that smells delicious but I'm struggling with the idea of pants
The impact your presence has on my vagina without even putting your hands on me is quite astonishing, impressive and a little disturbing.
Just got home, my brothers stoned and he got a high score on COD.. He just asked me if I wanted to have a celebrational yogurt with him. Wtf?
Lol, maybe a little bit. I don't know. I don't keep a super keen memory log of dicks honestly.
Went to the party dressed like a Cougar and brought a twenty something dressed as Micheal Phelps home. So far I’m loving being divorced. :-)
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