Your face is a jimmy john
Mango Malibu should win a nobel peace prize
He has a clip art-style heart tattooed on his hip. I hated him way before I saw his tiny dick.
... Already stepped in vomit and got a dirty look from a fat in a neck brace
U should just post that picture of u two on facebook with the caption, does anyone know this girl? If so please tell her to take plan b, thanks
Until you find your self finger banging supergirl in the middle of the dance floor while her friends are passing around for luigi mustache for a photo op, YOU HAVE NOT HIT MY LEVEL
He ate me out in the forest at that park we used to hit my bong in highschool again, somehow this isn't what I pictured being 25 would be like
Tranny group. Dance off. Horse hair and dicks swinging. I. Cant. Unsee. This.
Passing out on a toilet is not classy no matter what you're wearing. Not even a pea coat.
a guy messaged me on POF to ask if I knew of any places that were hiring. And was being completely deadass serious. I'm so done
at one point, you reached into your purse, pulled out a tampon, and proceeded to rub it on your lips like chapstick... that drunk
She was going down on me before I had a chance to tell her I arrested her brother 3 hours earlier
Fuuuuuck dude, he’s got #Excel in his Facebook bio; I’m screaming
I just realized I had arrested my one night stand from last night...
Never thought I’d use my computer science degree for teledildonics, but here I am
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