I found somebody to have a 3 sum with
shutup! Who?!?
Hahaha April fools!
and then he ordered a "diet and rum" like the most important part of the drink was the diet.
He asked for his proof of insurance and he pulled out a Magnum by mistake. All of the sudden gignger was looking real good to me.
i think you broke pat's ankle when you drove over it... he's freaking out but on a more serious note i'm 99% sure i saw a werewolf
You kept trying to hail an ambulance
I didn't ride the struggle bus so much as drive it backwards off a cliff.
I am sufficiently unimpressed with the options available to my freshly shaved self tonight.
Welcome to the difference between being FWBs (remember how we used to see who could get more lap dances a night?) and being in a relationship. Fun, huh?
Then, right before he came he said "I want to buy you so many things!" What the fuck?!
I will never look at a penis the same again. After that I will appreciate them so much more than I do. Makes me wanna kiss yours just for being pretty
...and that's why girls with IBS don't paint their nails
Are you sure he's still you're boyfriend when you're sober?
I think I'm gonna cut my hair just so I stop waking up with semen in it
maybe i should limp back to therapy...
oh yeah will you also bring home vodka i wanna do shots on the roof
You can't say that. Only if you have peed on the side of the highway in daylight while signing Christmas songs can you say that.
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