turns out the guy i was dating because he was a cop was not actually a cop. i learned this as he got arrested by real cops.
i woke up convinced that my room was backwards i tried to go into the closet to get outta my room
I think I've given more of my business cards to Chipotle trying to win free burritos than anyone else
I think the waitress doesn't beleive I have friends coming. I've had 4 drinks and a large salad just waiting for you guys.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
sitting on the counter. eating honey. crying, because coldplay sounds beautiful on the radio. highhhhh as the sky
he's my ex-boyfriend's best friend... he tried to make out with me to prevent me from hitting his friend. then they almost fought about it.
teach me your ways.
I almost shit my pants in anger over your moral sanity.
there is a video of me on Facebook getting mad at a trash bin what the fuck was in your Pepsi
Posting happy birthday to my grandpa on Facebook.... Then realizing my profile pic is me dressed as a slutty cop when he used to be a police officer.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Well am going to a strip club before sun down, I dont think anything good can come from that.
I really wanted to suck your dick, but I also didn't want to miss any of the movie
i keep seeing little orange spots im starting to freak out
you tried mixing adderall in your visine last night..
Like he was cock blocking and it usually takes ten cocks to block this cock
The cop was standing next to me when I texted "haha" to your phone...didn't realize that he had taken it already...
Listen, she cheated on him first. I've known both of them since we were 12. They have no secrets from me. And yes, as a matter of fact, I absolutely did enjoy screaming out his name into his, soon to be, ex wife's pillow.
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